| They sing, they dance, they drive the kids wild. But | | | | has a real baby's smiling face. Then they appear; Tinky |
| how best to describe the Teletubbies to the | | | | Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po, dancing and jumping |
| uninitiated? Imagine this: if Pink Floyd produced a | | | | around like giant Beanie Babies on a hot stove. They |
| half-hour show for kids, this would be it. And you would | | | | have antennae on their heads and TV screens in their |
| enjoy it immensely. | | | | stomachs. And they giggle alot, even when nothing is |
| The news of their arrival reached these shores long | | | | apparently funny. Could it be that our little friends have |
| before they did. A massive ad campaign introduced | | | | been smoking a bit of the old Teletubby weed? |
| them to America and touted their status as Britain's | | | | There are loud speakers that arise from the |
| "New Fab Four." There was an extensive media blitz | | | | flowerbeds and order the Teletubbies around. There is |
| launched by the television network that would carry | | | | a magic windmill that sits high on a hill and spews a |
| their already "wildly- successful in Europe" half hour | | | | glittery substance (I'm having it analyzed) into the air. |
| show. And there was a steady stream of network | | | | The windmill activates the TV screens that are lodged |
| news coverage, including the now-famous segment on | | | | in the Teletubbies' stomachs. These screens show |
| Nightline in which Ted Koppel used the word "cute" a | | | | video clips of real children wreaking havoc on the |
| hundred and sixteen times and just for the briefest | | | | world; jumping up and down on the beds, screaming at |
| second, actually seemed to smile. | | | | the top of their lungs, making a mess in the bathroom, |
| I must admit, all the hoopla did make me wonder | | | | etc. All the things you discourage your kids from doing |
| whether or not their coming to America was such a | | | | the Teletubbies make seem like fun (this is to instill a |
| good thing. What affect would they have on our | | | | disregard for authority, I'm sure). |
| impressionistic youth? Would our children cry and | | | | Everything is provided for our furry, little friends when |
| scream in unadulterated joy at the sight of these new | | | | they crash in their hi-tech Tubby house. They eat |
| superstars? Would they fall flat on their diapered | | | | Tubby Toast and Tubby Custard (munchies), and are |
| bottoms and call out their names? Was it to be | | | | always under the watchful bug eyes of a noisy |
| Barney-mania all over again? Only time would tell. | | | | vacuum cleaner named Noo-noo (obviously their |
| Nevertheless, I prepared myself for the worst. | | | | parole officer). |
| So, from across the ocean they came, this New Fab | | | | Here's further proof from PBS Online, home of the |
| Four, singing and dancing and, much like the original | | | | Teletubbies website: |
| group, talking with accents so thick one had to listen | | | | "Tinky Winky is the biggest Teletubby. His favorite thing |
| closely to understand what they were saying. But | | | | is his bag, which he likes to take out with him for walks. |
| being understood has nothing to do with success. Their | | | | He usually sings his song "Tinky Winky." He loves to |
| debut song, a cheerful, little ditty called, "Say Eh Oh" | | | | dance and fall over on his back." |
| knocked the Spice Girls off the top of the charts in | | | | Notice they didn't say what's in Tinky Winky's bag, but |
| England late last year and will probably give Madonna | | | | we all know what's in there. Can you say, "Tubby |
| a run for her money here. I would venture to say they | | | | paraphernalia?" Then there's Dipsy, whose name, I |
| are now more popular than John Lennon, especially | | | | think, says it all. From PBS: |
| among those who have no idea who John Lennon | | | | "Dipsy sings a song with a reggae beat and when he |
| was. | | | | is feeling 'especially cool' will go for a walk by himself, |
| Who is this multi-talented group of young performers | | | | wearing his hat and singing the song." |
| that has the world in such a tizzy? They are Tinky | | | | Ah, a Rastafarian Tubby, mon. Next, Laa Laa: |
| Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po, or as they are called by | | | | "Laa Laa is the happiest and most smiley of the |
| fifty-eight gazillion kids around the world, "The | | | | Teletubbies. She too loves to sing and dance. Her |
| Teletubbies," and they are PBS's latest offering for | | | | favorite word is 'nice'. Laa-Laa loves the way her ball |
| viewers one-year old and up -- the group TV | | | | bounces and wobbles and grows bigger and smaller. |
| executives refer to as the "Daddy, buy me that!" | | | | Laa-Laa always likes to know where all of the |
| demographic. | | | | Teletubbies are. She has her own special La-la-la-la-la |
| Now, if you don't have kids, especially little ones, you | | | | song." |
| probably have no idea who the Teletubbies are. But if | | | | Which I believe is sung to the tune of Jefferson |
| you do have kids and haven't been hiding from them in | | | | Airplane's 'White Rabbit.' And finally, there's Po, the |
| a cave for the last few months, you are well aware | | | | smallest Teletubby. From PBS: |
| of who these carpet-covered Kupie dolls are. And like | | | | "Po often jumps up and down to express her feelings |
| 'em or not, you have to agree that they are the best | | | | of joy, enthusiasm, and surprise. The natural place for |
| damned babysitters since the aforementioned dinosaur | | | | Po is to be on her scooter zipping around the hills. She |
| named Barney. When the Teletubbies are on, my | | | | makes the noise "quickly, quickly, quickly" or "slowly, |
| two-year old doesn't move. She doesn't blink. In fact, | | | | slowly, slowly" when riding her scooter. Po spends a lot |
| I'm not even sure she breathes, so strong is the | | | | of time on her own." |
| Teletubby allure. | | | | This is the one that will go nuts one day and start |
| How best to describe the Teletubbies to the | | | | running over bunnies. "Po was always such a loner..." |
| uninitiated? Imagine Barney without the wonderful | | | | Whether it's an innocent kid's show or the subliminal |
| singing and dramatic acting. Think Mr. Rodgers without | | | | tool of some covert drug organization, "Teletubbies" is |
| the expensive costumes, sets and musical | | | | not without its share of critics. Oddly enough, it's the |
| arrangements. Think Bozo without the high drama. | | | | very simplicity of the show that sparks the most |
| Think Captain Kangaroo on Quaaludes. | | | | controversy. Critics accuse "Teletubbies" of dumbing |
| Still don't get it? Let me put it into terms you'll | | | | down children's television to the levels of "Baywatch" |
| understand: if Pink Floyd produced a half-hour show | | | | and "Wheel of Fortune." Po, say it ain't so... |
| for kids, this would be it. And you would enjoy it | | | | "I don't think babies have to watch television,'' Peggy |
| immensely. Guaranteed. | | | | Charren, an advocate for better children's TV |
| Like a classic Pink Floyd album, there is something | | | | programming has said. "There's something creepy |
| strangely hypnotic about this show. No matter what | | | | about propping an infant up in front of the television, no |
| your age is, this show will calm your nerves, relax your | | | | matter what's on.'' |
| tired muscles, put your mind at ease. It will numb your | | | | Thank God for social watchdogs like Ms. Charren. If |
| bones, soothe away tension and make you go, "Whoa, | | | | not for people like her they'd be showing cigarette |
| dude..." | | | | commercials on the Cartoon Network and passing out |
| In fact, after watching several hours of this show with | | | | condoms with Happy Meals at McDonald's! Heaven |
| my daughter (okay, sometimes I watch it without her), | | | | knows there's nothing worse that a two-year-old |
| I've come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, | | | | chainsmoker who packs a condom and watches |
| the members of Pink Floyd or some other '60s | | | | "dumbed-down" TV. |
| counter-culture group really does have a hand in its | | | | Ms. Charren, lighten up. "Teletubbies" is just a cute little |
| production. Here is the evidence thus far: | | | | show that means no harm to anyone. |
| When the show begins, you enter Teletubby Land; a | | | | And if you really think it's such a bad thing to plop a kid |
| land of green, rolling hills dotted with beautiful flowers | | | | down in front of a television set to keep them |
| (could those be Poppies?) and grazing bunny rabbits | | | | occupied for 30 minutes, then come on over to my |
| (could these be flying pigs in disguise?). The sky is | | | | house and watch my kids. |
| always blue and filled with puffy clouds. It is a truly | | | | My favorite show is coming on. Everybody say, "Eh |
| happy place, watched over by an animated sun that | | | | Oh! |